The Birdie offers homecoming advice, A-K Valley Week 6 picks

By: The Birdie
Wednesday, October 4, 2023 | 6:53 PM

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The Birdie has noticed some things that have changed since he was in high school.

For one thing, all schools now have running water. For another, homecoming is a much bigger deal.

Asking a date to the homecoming dance has become a major production. Attire for said dance is also considerably fancier.

The Birdie did not go to his high school’s homecoming game last weekend. That’s because he’s not welcome back after the Unfortunate Mozzarella Stick Incident of 1997. But he does have some hints for today’s students who have to navigate difficult homecoming waters.

“For one thing, I notice people call it HoCo,” The Birdie said. “Rather have a SoCo, but that’s a story for another day.

“Here are some signs you can make to ask someone to be your date,” The Birdie said. “They’re all yours, free of charge. I will waive any copyright or intellectual property rights.

“Draw a Primanti Bros. sandwich and write, ‘I only have fries for you. Will you go to HoCo with me?’

“Draw a Mineo’s pie and write, ‘You’ve got a pizza my heart. Will you go to HoCo with me?’

“Draw a dessert from Oakmont Bakery and write, ‘Pie like you berry much. Will you go to HoCo with me?’

“See how easy that was? And all I did was look in my lunchbox. Piece of cake. Mmm, cake.”

The Birdie had one other piece of advice, and this one was a little more serious.

“When I was in school, we’d just vote for the quarterback of the football team and captain of the cheerleading team for king and queen. Now, it seems students vote a lot more ironically,” he said.

“That’s fine, as long as it’s in good fun. If you vote for Billy Bob for king because you’ve never seen him in a shirt with a collar before, that’s fine. If you vote for someone just because they look or act different than you and you want to make fun of them, you’re a bully. Cut that junk out.”

Now, let’s make some Week 6 picks in A-K Valley football:

Valley (2-4) at Deer Lakes (4-2): Theme of this week is teams needing a bounce back after a gut punch of a loss. Lancers are in that boat. Deer Lakes, 30-14

Penn Hills (5-1) at Fox Chapel (0-6): You’re hoping to see the Foxes get positive results to help their rebuild, but man, the schedule is brutal. Penn Hills, 42-6

Mars (4-2) at Kiski Area (2-4): This is a chance for the Cavaliers to make a big statement in the Greater Allegheny, but boy did the Planets look good last week. Mars, 34-21

Freeport (2-4) at East Alle­gheny (4-2): Yellowjackets need this one, but EA’s offense is firing on all cylinders right now. East Allegheny, 28-26

Knoch (5-1) at Shady Side Academy (4-2): A good test for the Knights, but they should pass. Knoch, 35-28

Apollo-Ridge (1-5) at Imani Christian (3-2): David Davis and company makes Imani a tough team to snap a losing streak against. Imani Christian, 20-13

Burrell (3-3) at Ligonier Valley (2-4): This is a beauty. Right up the Birdie’s alley. Over/under for combined passes thrown is 4.5. Bucs are one of the teams needing a bounce back. Burrell, 20-18

Clairton (4-2) at Springdale (1-5): Bears are a really good 4-2 team. Clairton, 40-13

Jeannette (5-1) at Leechburg (4-2): What a fascinating matchup. Are the Jayhawks for real, or will the Blue Devils put them in their place? Leechburg, 28-27

Plum (2-4) at South Fayette (2-4): Two teams on four-game skids. The Mustangs offense makes the difference. Plum, 27-14

Woodland Hills (4-2) at Highlands (4-2): Golden Rams are another team in need of a bounce back, but the Wolverines are awfully dynamic. Woodland Hills, 35-21

Riverview (3-3) at Summit Academy (0-6): That Jeannette loss was a heartbreaker. The Raiders will get back on track here. Riverview, 34-6

Tags: Apollo-Ridge, Burrell, Clairton, Deer Lakes, East Allegheny, Fox Chapel, Freeport, Highlands, Imani Christian, Jeannette, Kiski Area, Knoch, Leechburg, Ligonier Valley, Mars, Penn Hills, Plum, Riverview, Shady Side Academy, South Fayette, Springdale, Summit Academy, Valley, Woodland Hills