Don’t poke The Birdie as he makes his A-K Valley Week 1 picks

By: The Birdie
Wednesday, August 28, 2024 | 7:50 PM

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Last week: 7-2 (77.8%)

The Birdie would like to talk about a very serious issue today: taunting.

Not the kind of taunting that draws a 15-yard penalty in a football game.

Taunting The Birdie when he picks a game wrong.

The Birdie doesn’t get taunted often, of course. Generally speaking, he gets about 8 of 10 predictions correct. If he played baseball, he’d be the greater hitter who ever lived. If he played basketball, he’s shoot the lights out of every gym he set foot in.

Alas, his gift from the heavens is being able to pick high school football winners. It doesn’t pay as well as being the greatest at baseball or basketball, but that’s his cross to bear.

Anyway, he picked the wrong winner in the opener between Kiski Area and Knoch, and the Cavaliers let him hear about it with a Charlie Murphy meme on X.

“First of all, I don’t like X,” The Birdie explained. “They got rid of that beautiful blue bird logo. It was legendary.”

The Birdie won’t admit it, but here’s the real reason he picked the game wrong: He’s easily distracted by shiny objects. He looked at the game, figured both teams have excellent quarterbacks, and thought they’d go at it throw for throw.

He failed to anticipate a dominant performance from Landon Kucic and the Kiski Area ground game.

Now, what The Birdie will admit to?

“Finger slipped. Kiski and Knoch both start with K. Typo. Going to spend all week in intense typing training. Won’t happen again.”

Before he retreated to his nest to start with “asdfghjkl;” drills, he had one word of advice for the old Cavaliers.

“Never argue with a bird who buys ink by the barrel,” he warned.

Now for another week of sterling selections:

• Elizabeth Forward at Highlands: Two teams coming off one-point, last-play losses. Both should be ornery. The Golden Rams have a major threat in QB Menage Lewis, but EF always has such a solid defense. Elizabeth Forward, 20-19

• Apollo-Ridge at Jeannette: The Vikings had a lead on Leechburg going into the fourth quarter. The Jayhawks offense looked dangerous against Mt. Pleasant. Jeannette, 28-20

• Beth-Center at Leechburg: The Blue Devils look to carry momentum from their fourth-quarter rally against Apollo-Ridge. Leechburg, 27-7

• Chartiers-Houston at Springdale: If the Dynamos have a healthy enough roster, this is a big opportunity to open the season with a win. Springdale, 14-13

• Deer Lakes at South Park: Don’t go tweeting memes at me, Lancers. It’s just that the Eagles look awesome. A great back running behind a stout line. South Park, 21-13

• Fox Chapel at Baldwin: The Foxes played Allderdice tough in the opener, so that’s a start. Baldwin, 18-14

• Freeport at Derry: Yellowjackets got out of the gates strong against Indiana. Freeport, 28-6

• North Catholic at Knoch: Knights need a good bounce-back effort in Week 2. They’ll get it. Knoch, 20-10

• Norwin at Kiski Area: The Knights had a big win over Penn-Trafford last week, so it would not be the least bit crazy for The Birdie to pick against the Cavaliers again this week. While he’s stubborn, he’s not dumb. Kiski Area, 28-24

• Plum at Latrobe: Not a good opponent for the Mustangs to bounce back against. Three Division I recruits on this Wildcats roster. Latrobe, 26-13

• Riverview at Valley: This is a tough test for the Raiders. They have some holes to fill, and the Vikings have played once already. Riverview, 20-19

• Shady Side Academy at Burrell: The Bulldogs let a big lead slip away against Greensburg Central Catholic last week. The Bucs played Avonworth tough. Hard game to pick. Burrell, 23-19

Tags: Apollo-Ridge, Baldwin, Beth-Center, Burrell, Chartiers-Houston, Deer Lakes, Derry Area, Elizabeth Forward, Fox Chapel, Freeport, Highlands, Jeannette, Kiski Area, Knoch, Latrobe, Leechburg, North Catholic, Norwin, Plum, Riverview, Shady Side Academy, South Park, Springdale, Valley