Before A-K Valley teams kick off Week 1, The Birdie breaks out his hot air detector

By: The Birdie
Wednesday, August 31, 2022 | 6:37 PM

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Last week: 10-1

Season: 10-1 (90.9%)

The Birdie has developed a lot of things during his time as a professional high school football prognosticator.

A deep appreciation for the Wing-T. Carpal tunnel syndrome. A gut.

But there’s one trait Birdie has honed more than any other.

He’s got an excellent hot air detector.

In his conversations with coaches in preparation for this season, he saw more smoke being blown than a Snoop Dogg concert.

As a public service to his readers, Birdie picked out his three favorite examples of preseason coach-speak and rated them on the hot air meter.

“There are no easy games in our conference.”

Hot air rating: 8. If you look at the schedule and see no easy games, you’re probably the easy game.

“We just need to stay healthy.”

Hot air rating: 6. Yeah, you’ll need to stay healthy, but you’ll also probably need to get better at playing football. Every team has injuries.

The Birdie cautioned against always dismissing injury complaints as coach-speak, though.

“I thought Apollo-Ridge coach John Skiba was selling me a bill of goods when he talked about how badly injuries and illness scrambled the Vikings’ lineup last season,” Birdie said. “Then they came out and took it to Leechburg last week. Looks like he had a point. Birdie botched that one.”

“We’ve got a battle at the quarterback position. They’re both going to play.”

Hot-air rating: 7. Look, coach. If you’re got two quarterbacks, you’ve got no quarterbacks. Now, if you’ve got three quarterbacks, that’s a different story. I’m sure that’ll work out just fine. Right, Mike Tomlin?

On to the Week 1 picks:

Deer Lakes (0-1) at Burrell (1-0): The Birdie loves the ground game, and Burrell’s 50-1 run-pass ratio against Jeannette last week made his eyes light up. But the Lancers remember the Bucs knocking them out of playoff contention last year. They’ll be extra motivated in this one. Deer Lakes, 14-7

Blackhawk (0-1) at Highlands (1-0): The Golden Rams did nothing to tamp down the preseason excitement around this year’s team in Week Zero. Highlands, 34-20

Freeport (1-0) at South Allegheny (1-0): There are red flags here for the Yellowjackets. South Allegheny has an underrated star running back in Dashawn Carter and is opening its new stadium Friday night. Freeport’s defense should be able to handle it, but it won’t be easy. Freeport, 21-20

Knoch (0-1) at Indiana (0-1): The second stop on the Great Knoch Road Trip of 2022 is the home of Jimmy Stewart. Knights have a shot at this one. Indiana, 15-8

Pine-Richland (0-1) at Kiski Area (0-1): New coach Jon LeDonne couldn’t have liked a 42-0 season-opening loss to Pickerington North. These Rams will be ornery. Pine-Richland, 28-20

Plum (1-0) at Fox Chapel (0-1): No stat line was more eye-popping in Week Zero than Nick Odom’s nine carries for 201 yards and three touchdowns. Something could be brewing in Plum. Plum, 35-14

Riverview (0-1) at Carlynton (0-1): Looks like a good spot for the Raiders to get in the win column. Riverview, 30-7

Springdale (0-1) at Northgate (0-1): A chance for the Dynamos to find their footing. Northgate, 34-27

Valley (0-1) at Apollo-Ridge (1-0): The Birdie may be dumb, but he’s not stubborn. Apollo-Ridge, 28-13

Leechburg (0-1) at Summit Academy (0-1): A good spot for a Blue Devils bounce back. Leechburg, 40-6

Tags: Apollo-Ridge, Blackhawk, Burrell, Carlynton, Deer Lakes, Fox Chapel, Freeport, Highlands, Indiana, Kiski Area, Knoch, Leechburg, Northgate, Pine-Richland, Plum, Riverview, South Allegheny, Springdale, Summit Academy, Valley